Bonjour Paresse: Alternative Rules for Office Life

You are a modern-day slave. There is no scope for personal fulfillment. You work for a pay-check at the end of the month. Full stop.

It's pointless to try to change the system. Opposing it simply makes it stronger.

What you do is pointless. You can be replaced ...by any cretin sitting next to you. So work as little as possible and spend time (not too much, if you can help it) cultivating your personal network, so that you're untouchable when the next restructuring comes.

You're not judged on merit, but on whether you look and sound the part. Use lots of jargon; people will suspect you have an inside track.

Never accept a position of responsibility for any reason. You'll only have to work harder for what amounts to peanuts.

Make a beeline for useless positions (research, strategy and business development) where it is impossible to assess your contribution to the wealth of the company. Avoid operational roles like the plague.

Once you've found a plum job, never move. It is only the most exposed who get fired.

Identify kindred spirits who also believe the system is absurd, through discreet signs (quirks in clothing, peculiar jokes, warm smiles).

Be nice to people on short-term contracts. They are the only ones who do any real work.

Tell yourself that the absurd ideology underpinning this corporate bullshit cannot last forever. It will go away the same way as the dialectical materialism of the communist system. The problem is when...